Word of the Day: Reciprocity

Nothing kills good intentions like reciprocity. The ritual of gift-giving is fraught with the face-saving need to make sure that anyone who gives a gift gets a gift.

The pressure to make sure you have a gift for someone who might be giving you a gift permeates the days leading up to any holiday. Hence the concept of re-gifting was born: an unwanted present is rewrapped and given in exchange for a gift from someone who was not on your shopping list. Everyone is happy. Or, are they?

For the individual who buys a gift simply because she—men rarely buy gifts voluntarily—wants to acknowledge a friendship, a favor or the special role a person plays in her life, the prospect of receiving a gift in return is irrelevant. Selecting the right gift can be a difficult undertaking; knowing that it might be reciprocated increases the stress level involved.

Rules of etiquette imply that reciprocity is indicative of proper manners. Reciprocity may keep the retail industry rolling, but it ignores the feelings of the giver and detracts from the recipient’s pleasure. Ignoring someone’s feelings…good manners?

Those who only give presents because they expect one in return are offended when their code of reciprocity is broken. Let them be offended. Ending the cycle of reciprocity will make the holidays more enjoyable for all of us.