Career Math

One of the advantages to freelance writing is stumbling upon incredibly interesting tidbits while researching, even though reading them often sidetracks me. I’m going to share one of my best finds and give kudos to its creator, James E. Madory, D.O., of Madory Consulting, who used it in a PowerPoint presentation titled, “Specialization in  Surgical Pathology.” Dr. Madory offers what to me is a new take on the classic mantra of giving 100 percent to your job. Enjoy!

Here’s the link: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:BXCmnKza8jEJ:adasp.madoryconsulting.com/meetings/Old/2004/Specialization%2520in%2520Surgical%2520Pathology.ppt+&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESjph7ZoaaCu7plPO-_usJ7oLVUcYBVyPlYTh-QLzkyuioV1eJcJ_oKFI3jlRooPfmMH0lh9BA5Hx6Cr9Mu-KSePetltgsCdWmYJ1N781kZZ4Z36NDtExHjRCmcTxRXZcXBaJzdG&sig=AHIEtbQukxNK3pJJojIdAMnSN7ASVeunOA

“If:

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Is represented as:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.

“Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

and
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

“YET,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and (look how far ass kissing will take you!)

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9 +14+7 = 118%

“Thus (with mathematical certainty), while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, clearly bullshit and ass kissing will put you over the top!”

The Shopper BFF

If you’re a bargain shopper, allow me to introduce you to one of my BFFs: Text Coupon. Brilliant time and money saver! So much more shopper friendly than email. TC gives you store-event basics without the hype: sale name, date, coupon. Have charged battery and you’re good to shop. Present your phone at checkout to receive the coupon discount on your purchase. Bye-bye clipping! Bye-bye begging a sales associate to cut you a break “just this once” because you left the coupon on the coffee table.

A 2011 study by Prosper Mobile Insights found that 42.2 percent of smartphone owners use their mobiles as coupons and 51.1 percent get coupons via email. My guess is that, when the new Verizon phone plans go live, more smartphoners will get to know TC in order to conserve data usage from email apps.

Since I met TC, I no longer appreciate getting emails from my favorite retail haunts – especially the more-than-one-a-day variety. Don’t read ’em, but have to delete ’em, then empty the trash. TC shows me more respect and consideration. What more could you ask of a BFF?

Bring Back Navy Blue!

The inaugural meeting of BBNB  -- Bring Back Navy Blue – took place in a nondescript location in western Pa., recently, spurred by an equally nondescript trip to the mall. In a world overflowing with apps for everything, 150 cable channels and left-handed scissors, society lacks a choice in neutrality: navy blue shoes, blue coats and suits are hard, nay, impossible to find. Black has become the new navy, apparently. And, be warned: brown may suffer the same fate as the once staple blue hue.

One would think retailers would apply a bit of clairvoyance and realize that in a struggling economy, a bit of conservative color would be welcomed by credit card-toting shoppers and therefore might add a much-needed boost to sales. Contrary to their merchandise displays, we are not a nation in mourning. And, although our elected officials have a propensity to make their mark on history by enacting official bird, flower, drink and tree legislation, none have made “noir” our national fashion color…yet.

BBNB has no objection to Pantone’s Color of the Year 2012, Tangerine. But why has navy blue vanished from the color radar? Our favorite neutral doesn’t appear on Ford’s car color study. Research by both Ford and PPG Industries indicates that white has overtaken silver as the most popular car color. Only 9 percent of 2010 cars in the U.S. and Europe and 7 percent in Asia were blue. PPG’s research found that color influenced three out of four car purchases. BBNB found no similar studies on coat, shoes and suit selection.

BBNB did find this ray of hope: Midnight appears on the Fall 2012 color trends for women from forecaster Interfilière. It’s not navy blue, but it’s an acceptable and welcome close.

Obnoxious JOB-oxious

Show me a workplace  in 2012 -- excluding government -- where change rarely disrupts the day's plans, where responses to executive questions and requests take a back seat to everyone's agenda, where reactions to the market center on predetermined calendars and where customer needs are met, but met in due time. If you have trouble conjuring up one, don't be hard on yourself. It doesn't exist.

With e-communication, smartphones and all the other tools of the business trade used today, life as an employee is a busy, constant state of action and reaction. Yet, human resources departments industry-wide and nationwide operate under the assumption that only insiders know the pace at which business is conducted. Those not on their payroll live in another world, a world that cannot possibly resemble the cultural environment of change that they oversee. So, in order to practice full disclosure, they feel compelled to reveal their "secret" to prospective talent via the job descriptions they post.

A position description from any job board or any company career portal that does not include a version of the phrase "fast-paced environment" does not exist. At least I have yet to find one (government sites excluded). Anyone in the midst of a job search will start to gloss over this "de rigeur" bullet found near the top of the qualifications list after reading only five position descriptions. "Fast-paced environment" has become the HR equivalent of "keeping up with the Joneses." Gotta say it 'cause every other company says it. Let's blue pencil it, please, and let some refreshing credibility enter the recruiting process.

Phone Six, Etc.

Tip of the day for College Students and Teens: Put your best name forward!

Consider these tips from a human resource manager for a major department store chain to show potential employers you are the right person for the job. Will your cell phone block your chances for a summer job? It could if your voicemail for job hunting is the same voicemail your friends hear. First impressions count.

1. Your message should reflect a pleasant attitude. Don’t mumble. Hint: smile while recording. It works!

2. While you’re being pleasant, try to project some energy and interest. Don’t make the caller think you’re falling asleep or bored.

3. Keep your introduction short and avoid slang. Say, “Hello! This is [name, e.g., Cheryl],” not “Hey, there! It’s [knickname, e.g., Cha-cha].” No need to elaborate on why you cannot take the call.

4. Resist the urge to entertain callers with your favorite track. Employers are busy. They called to speak with you, not “enjoy the music.” Be respectful of their time.

5. Remember your manners: “Please leave a message.” “Thank you!”

6. Check for messages several times daily and return calls promptly. You’ll score points for reliability and responsibility.

Online applications, for which you need an email address, have become the norm. Set up a separate email account just for job hunting. (Use a free site such as Hotmail.com or Yahoo.com.) Save the fun address that reflects your interests and personality for social emailing. Choose an address that communicates professionalism: cutie@email.com does not leave the same impression as janedoe@email.com.

Timing is Everything

Attention all morning show producers: Stop doing segments about the perils severe winter weather poses to pets while the snow melts instead of when it’s falling; prom dress selection tips in May, without considering that most proms take place in May and most prom dresses are purchased in March and April; Fourth of July picnic ideas on the July 3 broadcast; Back-to-School anything shown after the kids have returned to school, etc. Your ideas and information are totally useless when we get them after-the-fact.

There is a disconnect between the calendars of real life and television. They get the timing right on hard news; the softer side of filling time slots trips them up. (Newscasts that iterate the precise time line of when they will present "details" of events--Pittsburgh's WPXI--are equally annoying.) Maybe their MO is to entice viewers to refer to the station web site. If so, we should skip the show altogether and simply log on.

Trip down memory lane…

Remember when “clean” reigned as aromatic king? Those days are gone. We’ve become a smelly society that, ironically, frowns upon those wearing too much perfume and goes to court at first whiff.

A splash of aftershave or dab of perfume once sufficed as grooming signatures. Today our John Hancocks of hygiene compete with the aromas of deodorants, soaps, shampoos, conditioners, nail polish removers, skin creams, powders, hygiene sprays and feminine products. Apparently the manufacturers think we need help. Why else would they give us “Shower Clean” as a deodorant option?

Even the act of buying something as mundane as dryer sheets demands more than selecting a brand or price point in a scented or non-scented version. Now an array of fragrance options complicates your purchase. Today our clothes smell.

So do our homes. Tissues, candles, diffusers, potpourri, cleansers and dishwashing liquid come in fragrances, too, which supposedly complement the smell of your towels and linens. Scents by the season and for the season.

Let’s not forget the mail. Perfumed inserts in department store sale booklets make sure that our front porch sets the stage for the bouquets inside.

The result of this aromatherapy that envelopes us: selection stress. Eventually it’ll be dubbed a syndrome and someone will name it (can you say research dollars?), someone else will develop a personality quiz (if you choose ‘linen’ and ‘new car’ you are conservative”) and both will hit the talk show circuit.

Personally, I do not want lilac- or gardenia-wreaking hair that attracts bees to my head. Nor do I want to walk around with almondy or lemony tresses, smelling like a French kitchen. Few ask, “Will baby powder clash with mountain rainfall?” Most should.

That’s the plain truth.